Okay, so this is somethins I wrote in the mittle of the night, and it's for a novel I'm working on. But I don't know it it's any good.
So could you guys read it and tell me if it feels real?
Or fake?
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Have you ever thought about death in the last 6 months? : Yes.
Have you ever thought about committing suicide in the last 6 months? :yes.
Have you thought about it in the last 6 weeks? : yes.
How often do you think about death and suicide? : Everyday.

Everyday at least two times a day, when I stand at the train station going to school. When I’m on my way home from school.
I can stare down on the rail, almost feel how I would break when I’m split in half.
And then I think about the ones I love.
And I wonder, how long would it take for them to notice?
Would my classmates think about why I didn’t come to school?
Would they try to call my cell phone?
Would they get through?
Would the cell phone be crushed into pieces just like me?
Would it be safe and would a cop or some random person pick it up if it got a call?
How would they react if they knew I was dead?
How long would it take for my parent to know?
How would the cops and ambulance workers be able to know who my parents where?

Would they be able to move on with their life?
I hope they would. Because I would have written a suicide note, telling, no ordering them to move on with their life.
Telling them that they could not cry on my funeral, I would not be able to move on if I ever saw them cry over my dead body.
I think people at my school would be surprised.
No one would think of me as a person who goes and kills herself.
But I would write in the suicide note to Marion, that she shouldn’t cry.
And that I’m sorry, she saved my once, but I could not tell her about how I was feeling because I didn’t want to be a burden.
But I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone about how miserable I really felt.
That, I was too weak for.
And that I’m so sorry, because I’m really grateful for her, and whish her the best in life.
But she’s so awesome and I could never live up to what she and my other friends are. I’m just not enough, they’re all so much more than what I am.

But, I would also tell her, no not only her, but all of my friends and family that I was a bit hurt, because no one ever noticed how I felt.
No one ever noticed I was on the edge of a brake down.
I would tell them I cried myself to sleep every night because I felt so alone, no one understood me.
But I wouldn’t want to blame them, I could have told them and they would helped me out of this.
But I would never have been able to tell them that.
It’s not that I don’t trust them. I do.
But they’re not feeling to well either and I’m needed to be the strong one. The one they all can rely and fall back on. I’m their rock. I have to take care of them.
But then again, I was hurt, no one ever noticed. I was alone.
I need to be strong for them!
But I’ll always look down on those rails and wonder how long it would take before people noticed I was dead.